she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
