$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
