i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
