dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
