Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
