all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
