I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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