Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I love you. Go after that dick
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