Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
