I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
