is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
