you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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