You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
