Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
