Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
