Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
