i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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