he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
