He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
