Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's official drugs can't kill me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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