Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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