Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
