It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
