I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
