batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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