Where did you get a picture of my penis
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
