he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
