the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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