I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
