Someone shit on the floor
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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