There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
