the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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