I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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