Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
