I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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