Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
