Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
