Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
