Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
