I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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