even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
