i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
