I'm eating all of the evidence.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
