I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
