great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
