If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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