AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
