Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
