dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Drake has all the answers
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
