I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
