just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
