tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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