im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
