Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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