Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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