Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
