On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
