I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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