Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
