this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
