They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
