a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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