I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize