I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
